


A Bargain of Sorts

by pinkevilbob



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Self-Indulgent, The Hob's Bargain AU, no one in their right mind would ever ask for this and yet here it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-25 04:53:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21970216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkevilbob/pseuds/pinkevilbob
Summary: Desperate Bren makes a deal with a fae, but is it worth the price?
Relationships: Jester Lavorre/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 15
Kudos: 57





	A Bargain of Sorts

**Author's Note:**

> So originally I was just going to write a little Howl's Moving Castle AU since people always talk about it, but then I remembered how much I love The Hob's Bargain by Patricia Briggs and just how perfect Jester works in the role of the hob, so I wrote this instead. Sometimes you gotta forget what others want and do what you love.

Bren scrambled up the hill not looking back. His shoes were lying forgotten by his bed and the cold air bit at him, but he didn't care as he kept going. He had lost count of the miles and the hours as the hills faded into the mountain, but he kept going onward and upward.

The wind howled about him as he approached his destination, a flat, smooth stone that looked almost like a table. His mother once told him that fairies and the fae folk would sit and eat around it. His father always told him to not mess with fairies and the like. That the fair folk didn't care about humans and saw them as sport. Those warnings ran through Bren's head as he went through his bag with shaky hands. But he was long past the point of looking back or regret.

"Oh, mother, father, I hope I can still make you proud." Bren carefully set a chipped saucer on the stone and filled it with slightly soured milk. He hoped that the quality of his offerings weren't too lacking as he placed a stale donut next to the milk. Next, he grabbed his knife and, with a deep breath, failed to draw it across his palm. Calling for the fair folk took a blood offering, but Bren's nerve kept failing him. "Keep it together, Ermendrud," Bren whispered to himself. If he was to keep himself safe and save anyone else, he was going to need help from a fairy or two.

Gripping his blade tight, Bren brought it close to his palm. "What are you doing?” someone just ahead of him asked. “You're going to get blood everywhere and ruin a perfectly good pastry."

Bren dropped his blade and looked up. Perched on a stump staring right at him was an incredibly strange woman. She was all blue from her hoofed feet to her curly dark blue hair. A long tail swished lazily on the ground as she watched him. Her cloak was normal except that it was dark green and the dress she wore under it was finer than any Bren had seen before, but it was styled like that of a peasant country girl. Blue freckles were spattered on her face framing her violet eyes. "What are you?" Bren gasped out backing away.

"I'm Jester." She grinned brightly showing off her fangs. "And you didn't answer my question."

"And you didn't answer mine." Bren kept staring at her. If she were human, he would call her pretty, but as it was, he could hardly comprehend what he was looking at.

Jester pouted. "I told you my name."

"Which doesn't tell me what you are. Are you fae? One of the fair folk?"

She shrugged. "Kind of. I'm a hob. My master, the Traveler, he’s super cool, is one of the fae, but I don't know if that means I am too. So, I told you my name and what I am. Now it's your turn to be polite and tell me your name."

Bren frowned at this. He was well aware of the power names had amongst those like Jester. “Caleb. Caleb Widogast.”

“Caleb,” Jester said like she was testing how his name tasted and then grinned. “I’m glad to meet you, Caleb. Now, why were you going to ruin that donut?”

“I need help.” It felt pathetic to admit it out loud, but Bren had ran out of pride long ago. “My home has been taken from me and those I love slain. So I was going to summon a fair folk to help me.”

Jester stared at him her eyes wide unblinking. “And what would that do? What are you going to do Caleb?”

Bren frowned looking away. “I … haven’t fully figured that part out yet, but I’m not safe in the city. My first step is getting protection and then-” he shrugged. “I don’t think it’s quite vengeance that I’m looking for, but I need to make sure that this never happens again. The wizards of the city have gone unchecked for too long.”

“Messing with a bunch of stuffy wizards sounds fun, but you’re a wizard too, right? You reek of magic,” Jester said holding her nose.

“Ja, I am or at least I was training to be.”

Jester leaned forward and whispered conspiratorially, “You know that most fair folk don’t approve much of wizards, right? They usually hate wizards.”

“I was hoping that their hatred of the city would outweigh their hatred of a half trained fool.” Bren sighed. “I don’t have any other options.”

“I can help you,” Jester said. A mischievous smile spread across her face.

Bren watched her carefully. “You would?”

Jester nodded her curls bouncing about. “Yeah! I’ve always wanted to tug on their tails.”

“And you’d do that for me?” Bren asked.

Jester smiled. “Of course.”

“And what would I owe you?” He knew that an old donut would not be enough payment for what he was asking for. 

“Oh right, payment!” She jumped up causing her skirts flounce about her. “I should probably ask the Traveler if it’s okay for me to do this first, but he’ll probably think that it’s a super good idea and come up with a great payment. Hey, Traveler? Were you listening?” she asked the air. Jester tilted her head as though she was listening carefully to someone. “Yeah, so can I?” A grin spread across her face and then it stopped. “Wait? I need to ask for what?” Her eyebrows rose up high in surprise. “Do you really think he’d agree to that? Fine, I’ll ask.”

Bren’s stomach sank. He didn’t like the sound of that one sided conversation. “What am I to give you as payment?”

Jester’s cheeks blushed purple. “Right, so, the Traveler says that you’re to be my payment.”

“My what?”

She shook her head. “Not your anything. You yourself are supposed to be payment for my mischief.”

“I’m to be a sacrifice?” The thought didn’t sit well with him. Bren certainly did not want to die, but if it saved others from his fate, his life would be a small price to pay. Thinking that though didn’t stop him from shaking.

“No! It’s not like that either. The Traveler is super against human sacrifices,” Jester said. She paced her tail swishing about with nervous energy. “It’s more like, um, how to put this? Hobs are the Traveler’s servants and he wants to have a lot of hobs cause he loves us and we love him, but I’m kind of the last one. And that’s where you come in.”

Bren frowned at this. “I don’t understand what I have to do with this.”

Jester covered her face with her hands peeking through her fingers. “Oh man, this is super embarrassing, Caleb. The Traveler wants us to make more hobs.”

It took a few seconds for Bren to realize what she meant, but one he did, he could feel his face burning red hot. “What?!”

“So yeah, like as payment for me helping you, you’d become my husband. Like not immediately, but like after we take care of the wizards. So maybe next year?” Jester bit her lip and stared at the ground. “If you agree, that is.”

Bren stared at Jester. She wasn’t human. Horns curled out of her head and her tongue was forked. A marriage with someone like her would not be easy. But there was a loneliness to her. One that she tried to hide under smiles, but he could still see it there. “Ja, I’ll do it.”

Jester stared at him. “You will?”

“Ja, I will. But I’ll warn you now, I do not have much to offer you as a husband. I am poor, weak, and a boring man, but I will never hurt you,” Bren said.

“And I’ll never hurt you either,” Jester said. She grabbed the donut and bit into. “Oh, Caleb, we’re going to have so much messing with those wizards, just you wait and see.”

Bren nodded. “Ja, I can’t wait.” This deal did not go even slightly the way that he had expected it to, but it could’ve been much worse. Coming out of this deal with a wife wasn’t such a bad arrangement. He hoped.


End file.
